How to deal with teenage anger and emotions

Dealing with teenage anger and adolescent anxiety isn’t easy; that’s why I want to share a New Yorker article profiling the work of Lisa Damour, author of The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents.

The title of the article, The Parent of a Teen-Ager Is an Emotional-Garbage Collector, is an attention-getter for parents of teens.

One of the things I see in common with young people whom I treat for anxiety is that they are often described as model students and citizens at school. They work really hard to hold it together all day and their emotional balloon is ready to pop by the time they get home.

How to deal with teenage anger: get used to being a dumping ground

Add the strength of teenage emotions and you have the perfect storm for a major dump session when they reach the safety of home. It can be really unpleasant and at times feel hurtful for parents. One of the hardest parts is that we can continue to worry about what they dump for hours, days, or weeks. Be it peer conflict, academic woes, anger at teachers, or a myriad of other things.

How to deal with teenage anger: listen and let it go

Often once they dump, they let it go. It can be really helpful to imagine this as off gassing, a way of releasing tension, deflating their balloon a bit. Allow yourself to step back, observe the storm rather than get spun up in it. Later, when they are more in their right minds, you can have a brief circle back, validate their big emotions, but discuss how some of the force of language, yelling, etc… impacts you.

How to deal with teenage anger: keep it simple

Keep it brief, don’t get drawn into an argument. Most older teens can reflect on their behavior when they feel validated in their emotions.