Teenage and childhood depression and anxiety: two sides of the same coin

As parents, we hate to see our children suffer with anything—let alone mental health issues like childhood depression and anxiety.

Sometimes anxiety is easier to spot than depression. If you have a child who is refusing to go to school, leave your side, go to bed, engage in social activities with friends, or anything else that has to do with avoidance or needing your help to manage things, you may be very actively involved in the process.

Whatever your child is worrying about, the subtext is “blah, blah, blah, and you can’t handle it”. 

These kids feel stuck and incapable of managing parts–sometimes BIG parts of their lives. They have a need to make sure everything will be okay and want to control lots of things that are mostly out of their control. You may think–or hope–they will grow out of it. You are trying to be supportive, and help them through those sticky times. The ways you are helping feel intuitive! But it’s not working.

Here’s the thing, treating anxiety is counterintuitive, especially to really attached, connected, loving parents. Doing it for them doesn’t help, telling them to “tough it out” can lead to more stuckness or meltdowns. 

Kids do not grow out of anxiety; they learn their way out. 

Why is it crucial to teach them these skills sooner rather than later? Because depression may be lurking around the corner. 

Where anxiety tells young people they can’t handle things, depression’s message is more ominous: “Blah blah blah and why bother?” 

When children have been anxious long enough, avoiding and withdrawing due to chronic fear and discomfort, a hopelessness can set in, and that is where depression jumps in and takes over. Research has found that 85% of children with clinically significant, untreated anxiety will become depressed by late adolescence. 

That can be a harder hole to dig out of. Anxious youth are missing out on building the essential skills they need to navigate the world around them. Adding depression on top can make learning these skills feel insurmountable. 

Here is the good news: anxiety is highly treatable. Here is more good news: parents can learn the specific skills and strategies through SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) which can turn the tide quickly and get your child back in the game of building their own resilience and capability to manage what life throws at them independently. 

If you are already noticing signs of depression in your child (sadness, withdrawal from activities, friends, family, irritability, changes in sleeping and eating), treating underlying anxiety helps tremendously. Parents can make some meaningful changes that help children and teens on ramp back into the world around them. When they feel more confident and less anxious, they will feel more motivated to do the things that depression tells them to avoid.